Walking With God

I have been so incredibly blessed. Here is a quote from the book Waking the Dead, by John Eldredge. "Hopefully you will find a few folks who walk with God to also walk with you through the seasons of your life. But honesty – and Scripture – forces me to admit they are a rare breed. Few there are who find it. All the more reason for you to make the number less scarce, by becoming someone who walks with God and teaches others how." I have a number of very close Christian friends, friends who do walk closely with God, friends who have stood by my side through some really terrible times. These are friends I could call at any hour of the day or night and they would be right there to comfort and support me. And I would do the same for them. And I am married to an amazing man. His unconditional love never ceases to amaze me, and often brings tears to my eyes. I sometimes watch others struggle in relationships. I see families who live their days screaming and yelling at each other and their kids, sometimes coming to blows, and I remember what it was like growing up in that kind of environment, and I wonder why people CHOOSE to live like that. Can they really not see there is a better way? I remember as a child deciding I would never get married, because I never wanted to live the way my family lived, I never wanted to be treated the way my mother was treated by her husbands. I thought being alone was the only way to be happy. I was wrong. God created us for relationships. And when those relationships are conducted according to God's perfect plan, there is no greater blessing. Friendship, marriage, family ~ these were all created and designed by God to bless us. The enemy twists and perverts everything if we let him. So it is really a choice between blessing and curse. My mother chose the curse ~ and I can't imagine any greater pain. I chose the blessing ~ and I never could have imagined how great the wonder, the joy, the peace. God is good and awesome, powerful and amazing. I have been richly blessed beyond my wildest dreams. (That doesn't mean that any of us are perfect, or that there are never times of tension or struggle, but with God's guidance and strength, we work through those times.) And I take nothing for granted.

My Favorite Scripture

Do you have a favorite Scripture? I have many, many, many favorites, but my #1 favorite is Jeremiah 29:11. In the NIV it says: For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

The Lord brought this Scripture to my attention at a time when I desperately needed it, several years ago. It was a time when I was seriously questioning why God allowed the horrors of my childhood. Every time I read this verse, it is almost as though I can hear His voice, see the love and compassion in His eyes, feel the warmth of His love. It says exactly what I needed (and still need) to hear. His plan was never to harm me. The abuse was NOT part of His plan. I am blown away by God's love. Here are two lines from a poem I wrote a while back.

He loved her more deeply than she could believe,

But because of her pain it was hard to receive.

It was hard to receive God's love for a long time. I am so glad He has been patient with me. He never gave up on me, but pursued me with passion and persistence. I have come a long, long way. And I am so blessed to accept and embrace the love of God. Where would I be today without His love? I hate to even think.

I pray that you know His love. It is the most amazing place of rest.

What Is Church?

I was in a conversation with someone recently, and we were talking about some folks who have left our church for various reasons. Here are some of the thoughts and opinions we came up with.

What is church? Is it a building? Is it a place we go to? Is it a denomination? I think, according to Scripture, church is the body of Christ, a community of people ~ not a building or a place or something we do. It is family ~ it is a body. And although "the body of Christ" encompasses all Christians, moving from one church to another is not to be taken lightly ~ you wouldn't want part of an arm deciding it would rather hang around with the leg. And within that body I believe God wants us to care about and for each other, to be united ~ not alike, not of the same opinion, but united. And I think that when we allow gossip, division, disunity, discord, personal likes and dislikes to come between us, we are giving the enemy the victory. I sort of view my church family almost like a marriage. Unless God Himself says very clearly to me that He wants me to be a part of a different fellowship, I need to stay right where I am and work out whatever issues I might have, just as I would in a marriage. My happiness or comfort or music preference or even whether I agree with how the board or the pastor handled a given issue (no matter how important I felt that issue was to me) are not reasons to call it quits and start attending somewhere else. You don't just walk out on family. And some issues can seem huge. And people disappoint. But what is church? If it is a club or social gathering, move on when it doesn't meet your needs. If it is just a building or something to do, by all means move on. But if it is the body of Christ? If it is family? Do we care whether we are being used as pawns for the enemy's purposes? Are our own feelings and comfort levels more important to us than what God Himself wants to say to our hearts. If we pull up stakes and run every time life gets difficult, how stable is any relationship we are in? Our marriage? Our friendships? Our family?

And I do think there are times when God does want us to move on for various reasons, but He should be the one to tell us that. What if He wants us to move on because He is doing a great work at this church and He hasn't been able to get our attention and get us on board with His plan? I think it is rarely because He has given up on one congregation and is moving you to a better one.

Are there circumstances that come up in churches that can make it extremely difficult or even painful for you to continue to attend there? Certainly. And sometimes it really might be more than you can take. But I don't think changing fellowships should ever be taken lightly, or done without many, many hours of heartfelt prayer, listening for the voice and will of God. Will He punish you if you decide to move on contrary to His will? I don't think He is sitting somewhere with a switch or a belt waiting to "spank" you for your hard heart or disobedience. But I do think it grieves Him, disappoints Him, and hinders His best in your life.

I have learned through the circumstances of my life that there is NOTHING He can't redeem. But He does not violate our free will. And we sometimes make pretty big messes. But as long as our hearts are soft toward Him, and we are repentent and trusting in Him and seeking Him, He can redeem anything.

Just some of the thoughts running around in my head today. What are yours?

What is Wrong?

Here is something I read recently. "Children need two basic messages when they are growing up: You are loved more than you can possibly imagine, and, You are not the center of the universe. Without the first, a child will grow up insecure, uncertain, looking for love and finding it difficult to believe that he is worthy of being loved, even by God. Without the second, he will grow up selfish and self-centered, assuming that everyone else’s agenda bows to his own. "

Do you know people who fit these two scenarios? Unable to accept love and/or selfish and self-centered? We run into them every day, don't we? I have to admit that for years I fell into the first category. But a large part, maybe the biggest part, of what God "rewrote" in me was this. I have learned, really learned, about God's love and the love of a good husband and close friends. It was not an easy lesson, and sometimes very briefly those old thoughts will try to come back, but I have learned to recognize them as hogwash. Lies from the enemy who is bent on my destruction, or at the very least, bent on keeping me from being effective in my family, friendships and ministry.

What about the second group? Those who are selfish and self-centered, assuming everyone else's agenda bows, or should bow, to their own? Well, I have met some of these. But mostly I read about them or hear about them in the news. Like all the crazy lawsuits ~ your hot coffee burned me so I'll sue; I had an accident in your car so I'll sue; my child failed math so I'll sue; your dog messed in my yard so I'll sue; I broke my leg while breaking in to rob your home so I'll sue... Aren't these examples of this self-centered way of thinking? 

Someone forgot to teach a lot of kids growing up that life isn't fair, and the world owes you nothing ~ not happiness, not wealth, not even food or a job or a home (or healthcare). Pain is inevitible, but misery is optional. Challenges are inevitible, obstacles are inevitible, surprises are inevitible, pain is inevitible! We are free to choose how we handle adversity and challenge. Attitude is the single most determining factor in every decision we will ever make. Success in life is about so much more than money or "happiness". Am I a success in life if I achieve wealth by suing you because I burned myself on your coffee? Or even when I win the lottery? I don't think so. What is success? I think success is being the person God created you to be ~ the very best you. Did God create you to scratch and claw your way to a fortune? No. God created you to know and love and trust Him, to learn who He created you to be, and to learn from Him how to be it. That is success. What epitaph would you want on your tombstone or in the newspaper? Here lies a woman who really clawed her way to the top. I wonder if anyone will miss her. Or... Here lies a godly woman whose life impacted those around her for good. She will be sorely missed.

These are just some of my thoughts today.

By God's oh-so-amazing grace,

Rewritten Princess

Habits ~ Good Ones & Bad Ones

This is a quote from another blog I subscribe to:

"Habits are the auto pilot in our lives. If we form good ones we will get good results. Bad ones, likewise, produce results of their own kind... Never underestimate the power of accumulated action over time. Good action can produce staggeringly successful results. Negligent actions can produce catastrophically dire consequences."

I have been taking a look, lately, at my daily habits. I have come to realize I am not a very good steward of my time. I have thought for years I might have a little ADHD goin' on ~ but that is not really a good excuse. (And I don't want to come down with "excusitis" which I have heard can be a debilitating disease!) I would like to have "staggeringly successful results" in my life. Whether it be in the area of Bible study, family, friendships, ministry, finances, business, housekeeping, etc., etc. I am going to take some steps to be more accountable with my time and activities ~ which may mean I post here less, or maybe later at night, so my daytime hours can be spent on other productive activities. My husband says I seem to "spin my wheels" alot. That may have something to do with the ADHD I mentioned earlier, but I do believe that "good habits" can make a big difference here. One good friend suggested deciding up front how much time I want to spend on a given activity, then set a timer and stop when it goes off, then move on to the next activity. We all have the same 24 hours in a day, right? I'd like to get more out of mine. If anyone can relate to this, please leave me a comment. (Or am I all alone in this?)

Pray for America

First of all, we need to pray for the outcome of the elections, all of them. For the man of God's choosing, for God's will for America. Then after the election, whoever is elected, they need our ongoing prayers ~ and they need them desperately. With all that America is facing these days, I think it will require more wisdom than any human being, or group of human beings, can possibly have on their own. We, as Christians, are commanded by Scripture to pray for our leaders. We simply must. Click on "Pray the Vote" in the Link box on the right, and join other Christians around the country in prayer. You can also find a current, specific list of prayer requests and concerns for the president and for America.

Honesty, Humility, and Friendship

Well, I had an old lesson reinforced the last couple of days. Friendship is a very precious thing. It is worth fighting for. Lasting friendship takes work, but it is well worth the effort. Even the closest of friends are going to have differences, or times they get under each other's skins, even times they get so angry they don't like each other very much. But if we let that be the end, the enemy wins. 

I have had to learn over the last few years to be angry, believe it or not. My childhood was such that anger was an emotion I cut off and separated myself from for survival. And when I learned that anger can be a good thing (what a shock that was), I tried to let it in, but I was afraid it would choke me, overwhelm me, take over. It didn't. But I still keep a wary eye on it. 

Anyhow, what I have learned about friendship is this: it always pays to be (tenderly) honest; anger can be a good thing; issues should always be dealt with pretty quickly; and a little (or a lot) of humility goes a very looooooong way. Never make decisions while you are angry. Anger taints everything.

When I get hurt or angry, I have a tendency to see everything from only my point of view. I feel it is so unfair, so unjust, my motives were so pure, the other person is behaving out of line. But I have found, for me, that it is best to sort of step back, take a deep breath, and humbly ask God to show me what my part in the fracture is, and what He would want me to do at this point. 

God usually tenderly, but firmly, shows me how I am not as innocent as I would like to believe. And so far He always asks me to take the first step in mending the broken relationship. Usually I find that, after honest discussion with soft voices, issues are not only worked out, but the friendship grows stronger than ever before.

When this happens, everybody wins. Well... everybody except the devil. He loses. Big time! Unity is restored, fellowship is rich, and a rift in the body of Christ is healed. Yes ~ friendships are worth working on and fighting for ~ even when it forces us to take a hard look at ourselves and swallow a large dose of humility.

By God's oh-so-amazing grace!

Rewritten Princess

Warrior Princesses

The following is a quote I received in my e-mail this morning. It is a "thought of the day" that I subscribe to.

_______________________________

“Me, a princess?”
“You are the legal heir.”
“I never lead anyone.”
“We will help you to be a princess, to rule. If you refuse to accept the throne then the
kingdom will cease to exist as we know it.”
--The Princess Diaries

In God’s name we must fight them!
--Joan of Arc
Women are often portrayed in stories and tales as the “Damsel in Distress.” We are the ones for whom men rise up and slay dragons. We are the “weaker sex”; said to faint at the sight of blood, needing to be spared the gory details of battle whether on the field or in the market place. We are the ones waiting in our flowing gowns for the knight to come and carry us away on the back of his white horse. And yes. There are days when a knight in shining armor would be most welcome. We do long to be fought for; loved enough to be courageously protected. But there is a mighty fierceness set in the heart of women by God. It is true to who we are and what we are created to do.

Women are warriors too.

Redeemed women of God have tender, merciful hearts, backbones of steel and hands that have been trained for battle. There is something incredibly fierce in the heart of a woman that is to be contended with, not dismissed, not disdained, but recognized, honored, welcomed and trained. 

(Captivating, by John Eldredge)

________________________________

Isn't it nice to hear that the "weaker sex" can be "warriors" too ~ and it doesn't take anything away from being feminine! I mean, it is something we all probably knew already in some sense, but it is still nice to hear it. We already know how hard we fight for our families, for our kids, for what we believe ~ we fight with the schools, the bullies, and neighbors if necessary ~ we fight on our knees, or when necessary, we fight on our feet, sometimes with our words, sometimes with a look... I do like to be fought for, I must confess. I love to be protected and honored and loved by my husband. I love to be sheltered. I love when my husband worries about me, comforts me, takes care of me. But I also  know that I am a positive force in my family, that my prayers are powerful, that I have important things to say, that my influence is needed in the lives of our kids and grandkids. I love the idea of being a princess, which for some reason brings to my mind a picture of a little girl in a pink tutu dancing and twirling and singing in her little girl voice without a care in the world (which was never my experience, only my dream) ~ and I love the idea of being a warrior. Maybe I should have named my blog "Warrior Princess." Well, I can be a REWRITTEN Warrior Princess. Anyway, I love being a woman ~ Wow, that is not something I have always been able to say. Even now it sounds a little strange, but it fits, too.

I especially love that last part of the quote above: "Redeemed women of God have tender, merciful hearts, backbones of steel and hands that have been trained for battle. There is something incredibly fierce in the heart of a woman that is to be contended with, not dismissed, not disdained, but recognized, honored, welcomed and trained." Something incredibly fierce. And that's a GOOD thing! Not something to be ashamed of. I like it.

God is Soooooo Good!

God's love and support for me blows me away. Who am I that He is mindful of me? Growing up, I was convinced that I was a "throw away person." That is a notion that I have had to work very hard to get rid of, over many years. And in some ways it still comes back, maybe in more subtle ways, more quiet ways. Like the way I seem to sabotage myself at times. I'll go on a diet and do great for a while, then I really blow it ~ I don't just go off it, I go crazy. What's that all about?! I think it goes back to that old message. I do this kind of thing with lots of things, not just diets. Anyhow, I'm still in the "process," still on my healing "journey."

But the thing is ~ the blessings I have received, the ways in which I have been privileged to experience God in my life, have blown me away. To rewrite all those messages I received as a kid is a task that only God could accomplish. And why would He care to put all that time and effort into me? Seriously. Well, I can't answer the why. I can only testify that He has. He lets me know in so many ways every day that He is with me, that He loves me, that He will never give up on me, that He not only loves me, but that He likes me, He chose me, He cares. 

I could have followed in the "family tradition" that went on for generations. I could have followed my mom's example and married and divorced one abuser after another. My life right now could be very ugly. But instead...

I am married to a wonderful man, who blesses me with his love and patience every day. I am surrounded by friends who have stood by me through some tough times. Friends I finally let in far enough that they got to know the real me, they got to know my story. And they stayed! They not only stayed, but in knowing each other more deeply, we also love each other more deeply. Who woulda thought? Why did I waste all that time and energy wearing a mask and trying to hide, keeping everyone at a safe distance? This is so much better.

So ~ God has blessed me with His love and all that entails, He blessed me with a wonderful husband, He blessed me with an amazing group of friends, He has continued patiently rewriting all those lies that were engraved on my heart, the list goes on and on.

God is so good. Sooooooooooo good! And today I am feeling especially grateful.

Layers of an Onion Part 2

I am afraid that my previous blog made it sound like there is only pain where my granddaughter is concerned, so I want to set that record very straight. She is the delight of my life. When she smiles at me the sun shines more brightly, and when she cries... well let's just say, she doesn't get much chance to cry at my house. When she is not here it feels like something very important is missing. She is the most beautiful little lady I have ever seen (no bias here). She has brought so much joy. And I really have to say that, even the triggers bring joy in the end, as each one is faced and grieved and given to God. So... We serve an awesome God, I have a very special granddaughter, I have a loving husband and a family who loves me (which includes a large church family). I think a good life, a balanced life, is a healthy mixture of joy and pain. I have that. So life is good. It just isn't always easy. Thank God for God, and for his faithfulness, his mercy, his unconditional love, his power to heal, his comfort, his strength, his... (the list goes on into eternity)

By God's oh-so-amazing grace,

the Rewritten Princess

Layers of an Onion

Sometimes I get to a place where I feel like, wow, I'm glad that's over, and now I'm doing okay. I feel pretty stable. Then *bang* ~ another trigger is hit.

I had a hard time adjusting to the idea of having a granddaughter, not because I don't want to be granny, but because of my wounded heart feeling vulnerable to the pain of risk ~ the risk of loving a precious little girl that I can't protect, the risk of old memories being triggered. And right from the first moment of learning that the baby was a girl triggers have been tripped. Not constantly, but regularly, sort of out of the blue. Once I was walking thru the store looking at baby girl clothes and enjoying myself ~ there are so many cute things ~ when suddenly my thoughts took a turn and I was sobbing my eyes out right there in the store. Each time something like this happens I take time to grieve and to talk things out with God, sometimes with the help of others. My husband is a great help. He is very patient and understanding and gentle. I made a commitment to myself, to God, and to my granddaughter, that I would not guard my heart where she is concerned. I will love her with my whole heart, no matter the triggers, no matter the memories, no matter the pain. And as the triggers come, there is pain. And it isn't quick and it isn't easy, but as I have let the tears flow and taken the time I need to really talk it through with God, I believe I am continuing on my journey of healing. I am not holding back from the pain. It reminds me of the layers of an onion (apparently a very BIG onion). As each layer of hurt is peeled away, there are more and more layers underneath, and onions always bring tears, but each time I am one more layer closer to getting my heart back.

There have been many different things that have set off triggers, and I'm sure there will be many more to come. She is, after all, only 3 months old! It is one thing to trust God for MY healing and to be able to use the pain in MY life to comfort others, but to imagine that my granddaughter might have to walk through the ugly places where I have had to walk, is heavy stuff indeed. I know that trust that is easy is really not trust ~ trust has to be tested or it isn't worth much. This is a hard test ~ do I trust God with my granddaughter or not? I am trying not to see an abuser behind every bush (unless of course there really is one behind every bush). And she has good parents who love her dearly and I know they will do their best, too.

Yes! Lord, I believe...help thou my unbelief. As Twila Paris said in an older song of hers, "I will trust you Lord when I don't know why; I will trust you Lord till the day I die; I will trust you Lord when I'm blind with pain; You were God before and You'll never change." And so, another layer of the onion is being peeled away. How many more layers can there be? (I don't think I want to know.)

By God's oh-so-amazing grace!
From the Rewritten Princess

Ugh! Politics!

When I heard who McCain's running mate was for the preidential election I was so excited! I had heard some about her in previous news on how she has handled the corruption in Alaskan government, how she put the previous Alaskan governor's private jet on Ebay because the state needed the funds far more than she needed a plane, how she put a stop to the ridiculous "bridge to nowhere." Since being chosen as the Republican VP running mate, comments I have heard from those who live in Alaska have been equally encouraging. It is said that citizens of Alaska believe she is the very best governor they have ever had, that she is as upright and honest a person as they've ever known, that she is a very strong Christian woman. In my mind, all excellent qualities for a VP, or for a President. But most of what I read in the mainstream media since her surprise selection has been ugly, and to my mind, irrelevant. "McCain's campaign has been trying to tamp down questions about whether the Arizona senator adequately researched his surprise vice presidential selection or whether he chose the first-term governor without fully looking into her background. Nicolle Wallace, a senior McCain adviser, told ABC's "Good Morning America" on Tuesday that Palin disclosed her daughter's pregnancy during the vetting process, and that the McCain campaign had been forced to reveal the pregnancy publicly Monday because of "lewd and outrageously false rumors" spread by "Democratic-leaning blogs and a few in the mainstream" media. She did not identify them. Since McCain publicly disclosed his running mate on Friday, the notion of a shoddy, rushed review has been stoked repeatedly." Stoked by whom (do we need to wonder)? When you look at what Obama does to anyone who questions him, including what he has been trying to do to Dr. Dobson and Focus on the Family Ministries for publicizing a little-known speech Obama himself had given, I find it frightening the lengths to which Obama's campaign will go to in his attempts to win this election.

In a perfect world, the candidates would simply let you know who they really are, what they really stand for, what they would really do if elected ~ and let the voters decide what they want/need. But in the real world, we had better be ready to do our own "investigation," be willing to look at facts about each, and get out there and vote our convictions. We can't believe most of what we are told through the media, we have to be willing to find the answers on our own. Again, in a pefect world, truth and facts would be reported in the news, as devoid as possible of a reporter's or his boss's personal opinions or bias. But in the real world, we are told only what they want us to know, always with the obvious slant of the news media's personal bias. When you read the section above that I copied from a news article on the selection of Palin for VP, did you notice the venimous way it was written? "McCain's campaign has been trying to tamp down questions" ~ not answer or address but tamp down. "The McCain campaign had been forced to reveal the pregnancy publicly" ~ instead of had answered questions honestly, revealing that Palin's daughter was pregnant. And all this over issues that I have to ask ~ what do they have to do with her qualifications as VP? If that is all they can come up with to question whether she is qualified, I say they have proven the Republicans' choice for them.

And I HATE what politics have become! It is so unfortunate that it is this way, because so many Americans, especially the young, have no faith in the process anymore, and don't even plan to vote! I say we all need to get out there and vote. Every single American of voting age. Educate yourselves, dig deeper, listen to mainstream media, but also listen to talk radio, Christian and non-Christian news sources, and make your very best educated decision ~ and VOTE. America as we know it ~ freedoms, laws, national budget, foreign policy, taxes and so much more ~ will improve, fall apart, or stay the same, based on who our elected officials are. Casting an educated vote is the most important thing you have to do, the most patriotic thing, in your lifetime. More important than waving the American flag in parades or lining the streets when soldiers come home or celebrating the 4th of July. Because if you don't vote, America herself becomes sicker and sicker, possibly unto death. How can we say we love our country, and not do all we can to take care of her? And taking care of her means we have got to put in the time and effort to find out the truth of our politicians, not just presidential but all of them, and vote what we believe based on that truth. No matter which way you vote, vote based on the truth, not based on manipulated news or what a candidate looks like or whether their teenager did something you disapprove of.

Okay. I will climb down off my soap box ~ not because I have nothing more to say, because there is SO much more I could say. But I think I have said enough for now. Please ~ find out the answers for yourselves, and VOTE.