Tuesday, August 5, 2008
abuse survivor
I am wondering how many women reading this have been abused during their childhood. It seems to be a pretty prevalent condition. Many of us are overweight, have low self esteem, or even abuse others because of the pain we carry inside. I tried to bury my childhood memories so deeply that no one would ever guess and I didn't have to think about them. But I found that even though they were buried, they still impacted my everyday life and decisions. It left me vulnerable to further abuse as an adult. I would like to know if anyone else has any comments on this or has a similar story and would like to share. I have found the light at the end of the tunnel. How about you?
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I stated in my profile that I believe we are born into a world at war. If you are interested in learning more about this, read Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. It is very eye-opening. There are solid answers to the questions, Why would a loving God allow such horrors as child abuse, or war, or disease? or Where was God when I was being abused? Check it out.
I should mention that John Eldredge has a website where you can learn more about the spiritual warfare I have referred to. It is http://www.ransomedheart.com. Another good one by John is http://www.walkingwithgod.net. This one contains short videos and a webcast that are well worth watching.
I, too, have had to endure the same sort of pain and anguish throughout my childhood. I have faced the devil, and come out on top....FINALLY!! I went through all of the same abuses as a child, and as a result was in a hurry to grow up just to get out of the house, I ended up marrying another abuser at the young age of 16, and had a child a year later. I raised my child, and did the kind of job that I would have liked to have had as a parent. I endured 10 gruesome years in a marriage from HELL! By the Grace of God, I escaped with my life and the lives of my daughter as well as my unborn daughter. I became closer to GOD than I ever thought possible in the next few months as I searched my soul to try to figure out what my next step should be and where I was going to go with my newfound freedom (and single-parenting) that I was facing. During this time I had a dream that I met a remarkable man, I could not see his face, only certain features. In my dream I asked him "Where have you been all my life?" to which he answered, "You had things you had to do first, you had to get your G.E.D." (which I was currently enrolled) I remembered this dream as if it was real and it had happened just the day before. Exactly one week before I was scheduled to take my test, I met that man, who had been in my class the whole time, and who I had not given the time of day until then (after all, he was one of the enemies....a man!) We stood outside in the freezing cold (I was very pregnant and having a hot flash so it didn't bother me) and talked to each other in the parking lot for 3 hours!!! The whole time I thought to myself how full of it he was and how he was just another typical male. It wasn't until I drove away, and I had the feeling that I left a huge piece of myself in that parking lot that I realized that there was just something about him. We started a friendship (over the phone at first) and quickly began to know one another. One thing that we did was we each told the other EXACTLY what we were getting into, baggage and all!! It still took several months before GOD showed me that this was the person HE had chosen for me, and that HE had first introduced to me in my dream! I, WE, are the happiest that either of us has ever been, and have a WONDERFUL life together. I have done things that I am not proud of, and endured pains that NO PERSON should ever have to face, but as it stands now, I have learned that I wouldn't change a thing!! GOD has a plan, and a purpose for each of us. And I believe that EVERYTHING (good or bad) happens for a reason, and if not for the garbage in our lives, we would not be where we are today, nor would we be WHO we are today! Yes, it really stinks that I went through such pain and sorrow, but it is because of that pain and sorrow that I have learned how NOT to treat people, as well as HOW TO treat people. I went to the school of HARD KNOCKS, but OH the lessons I have learned!! GOD has a plan, and when we give our lives to HIM, HE will ALWAYS see us through even the DARKEST of times!!
~Jeannie~
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