Christian Love

Question: When we show love to someone who is living in sin or has committed an obvious sin, are we condoning their sin? (Let me preface my remarks with this: I know that because of my abused background and the commitment I made with myself as a small child that I would never treat anyone else that way, I tend to lean heavily toward grace and I may get a bit out of balance in that direction. Balance is always the key, I think, even with grace, but "tough love" is a concept that completely escapes me.)

I am speaking of those who know right and wrong or some sense of it. I feel that what a person in sin needs to know is that their sin is not a reason to be unloved, or unaccepted ~ by me, by God, or by the church. (Now, I do know that there is such a thing as evil ~ there are evil people. And that is a different story. An evil person has a black heart, does what he does deliberately, with no thought of right or wrong, just twisted personal pleasure at someone else's expense. No conscience. No repentence. God may not have given up on them, but they scare me, so I try to stay away.) Most people don’t need people to shun them so they know they have sinned. They are very away of their sin, and they pretty much expect to be shunned in the church, and this ought NOT to be the case. It is so true that “they will know we are Christians by our LOVE,” and they will desire to know the Jesus we know. Not by our judgmental attitudes. Not by our well-placed words of reminder to let them know our disapproval.

Please permit me to tell you a story about when I got saved. My best friend at school invited me to a revival meeting at her church when I was 14. If you’ve heard anything about my testimony, you know that I was not a happy child, did not come from a good home at all. My extremely abusive stepfather had passed away recently. So I went to the revival and I was blown away by the message. I had never really heard about Jesus before. I had heard OF him, but not about his love or grace, or how he died for me… I started crying some time during the service, and by the time it was over I was sobbing my eyes out. Maybe you can imagine how love-starved I had been my entire life, so the words of God’s love were more than my young heart could stand. My friend offered to go to the altar with me as they played “Just As I Am.” When they prayed with me I continued crying, but it felt like an amazing weight had been lifted from me. I was more excited than I had ever been about anything. (I remember it all like it was yesterday.)

Over the next several weeks, I continued going to church with her and coming home all excited, telling my mom and my two brothers all about this Jesus. My mom had had an even worse life than my own, and as an adult had been married many times at this point. She had divorced the first several extremely abusive husbands, given up 3 children for adoption, was now trying to hang onto the 3 kids she currently had, and had just buried her latest abusive husband. My mom and both brothers agreed to come to church with me one Sunday, all three of them were picking up my excitement. They dressed up in the best they had and we all went off to church. I couldn’t wait to introduce my family to the church members and the pastor. Well, when the time came, every single one of them made sure my mom and my brothers (1960s rebellious long-haired boys) knew that they didn’t “condone” their lifestyles. I couldn’t believe it. I cried all the way home. I never did get my brothers back to church after that. After several weeks I did get my mom to come to church with me one more time. The reception was the same. She never came back again. A few years ago, shortly before my mom died, she let me know that she had accepted Jesus into her heart. Those were 3 souls that were ripe for the harvest that Sunday years ago, and I believe Satan used GOD’S PEOPLE to place a major stumbling block in their paths. The picture of my mother’s face that first morning in church will stay with me forever. She already knew shame, she already felt unloved and unlovable ~ she really didn’t need to be reminded of any of it. This picture always comes back to me when I am tempted to be unloving toward another sinner. Generations of family history could have been broken that Sunday morning. Who knows how things might have been different had God’s people LOVED my family that morning, and introduced them to the God who, “because of his great love for us…made us alive with Christ even when we were DEAD IN TRANSGRESSIONS.” God ~ who is rich in mercy!!

None of us are perfect. But most of us are doing the best we can under whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. We as Christians are instructed by God only to LOVE the unlovely, the sinner. Love them into the church. Not by “condoning” their sin, but by showing them that “while they were yet sinners, Christ died for them.” They are not unlovely, unlovable, untouchable, unacceptable, shameful, or trash. They are sinners who need to know they can be saved by Grace. They need to know of God's great mercy, forgiveness, faithfulness, unending and unconditional love. And they are very precious to my Savior, who even now is interceding on their behalf at the right hand of God Almighty.

When we reach out as missionaries, are we condoning sin? When we invite our neighbors to church or show kindness to a stranger, are we condoning sin? When we give out groceries from the pantry, or help a new mom with baby formula and diapers…? When we tell someone Jesus loves them just as they are…? There is a quote in a book we have been studying in Sunday school from “Philo of Alexandria.” It says “Be kind, for everyone you know is facing a great battle.” I find this very helpful in reminding me to be compassionate to all people at all times ~ we have no idea what each person is going through or struggling with, or how God himself may be dealing with them. But we can always be kind and encouraging ~ I try to be the one who “makes their day.” There is too much else out there that adds to our struggles.

I would truly love to hear feedback. I know there is right and wrong. I guess I just feel it is God's right to deal with those areas of our lives after we have come to Him. It is not my place to play the role of the Holy Spirit in the lives of others, Christian or not, and try to convict them of their sin. That is not to say that loving everyone is easy for me ~ far from it. (And some are harder than others, as you can imagine from what you know of my background.) Nor am I one who NEVER judges. I have not arrived at perfection, nor will I this side of heaven. These are just my thoughts.